Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Greatest Post in the World

The day's work began wearing on me. With Angela in a coma, many paper responsibilities fell to me. All the administrative work was much more stressful than simply shooting people. So, I as quitting time was approaching, I found myself very, very tired.

I trudged down a long and lonesome hall. All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon in the middle of the hall. At first I thought I was hallucinating due to my exhaustion.

"You're not real," I said to the red creature from Hades. I grabbed a sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it at the beast. "See?" I said expecting the paper to pass through him. Instead, it bounced off his devilish chest and fell onto the floor.

"How dare you toss paper at me, mortal!" it cackled in a sinister voice.

I realized the demon was genuine and asked, "What do you want?"

"Your soul!" it replied and then burst out several vile guffaws.

"I don't have a soul," I replied. "Do I?"

His evil laughter stopped as he thought it over. Scratching his chin, he said, "Well, I never really thought about it."

"Okay," I replied. "It's almost quitting time. I still need to write a post on my web log, so if you don't mind..." I tried inching past the demon.

He pushed me against the wall with his demony claw and said, "A web log, huh?" His fiery eyes focused deep into my own and he said, "Write the best post in the world....or I'll eat your soul!"

I almost peed my pants! Not because I was scared, but probably because his paw was pressing right into my bladder. "Okay," I answered his challenge, "I just need to get to my computer."

He followed me to my office where I took a seat at my desk. I stretched out my arms, popped my fingers and shook out the tension from my shoulders, then placed my fingers on the home keys.

I began typing away the first thing that came to my head. It was as though God himself was inspiring my every keystroke. As the demon watched over my shoulder he began trembling in fear. He and I could both see what was happening before our very eyes. The blog post was coming together wonderfully, even perfectly. There could be no better words typed!

I wrote the best post in the world.

With a snort, he asked, "Be you an angel?"

"Nay!" I responded proudly putting my hands to my hips. "I am but a man in horn-rimmed glasses!"

Then, I proceeded to rock out on air guitar.

The beast was forced to let me go. He mentioned something about being bound by an honor code. In a puff of smoke, he disappeared.

Unfortunately, my Internet connection was down, so I wasn't able to save the best post in the world. I couldn't remember it either, but peculiarly it was nothing at all like this post. This post is just a tribute.

And once I get my Internet connection restored here at the office, I should resume regular posting.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Needing Something To Do

I was bored. Bored out of my mind.

There were no more leads. No more villain trail to follow.

Knox is still out there somewhere. I'm afraid I'll have to go find him next. I mean, not afraid, but you know.

If only there was some evil organization harboring all the villains, one location that I could raid. I could wipe 'em all out with a single assault.

But surely these villains aren't that stupid. They know how incredibly effective I am. Standing together in one place would only make my job so much easier.

And why would villains unite anyway? I think if Jurassic Park has taught us anything, it's that once you turn off the perimeter fences separating the villains from each other, they'll go on to devour themselves, lawyers and us.

I think if I had a special power, I'd want to be a T-Rex. Or maybe a triceratops/velociraptor hybrid.

So, yeah....did I mention I was bored? There's nothing to do but sit here and speculate. Where might the villains be? What might they be up to?

I'm sure most have fled to Mexico. As for their plans...perhaps they're going to start a mariachi band. I don't know! Villains are unpredictable.

That's why I liked hunting Heroes. You always know what they're going to do. Something noble, no doubt. "Freeze! Don't shoot!" you yell at a Hero, and sure enough, they drop their guns and apologize for making a scene.

Villains, though, they have no respect for morality, for shame or guilt or any other social inhibitors. They just live all Willie Nelson.

"Willy nilly," The Haitian corrected.

Fine. They live all willy nilly. How am I expected to fight willy nilly? I don't know, but I manage. Willie Nelson, willy makes no difference...I'm baggin' and taggin' it because that's what I do.

When I have something to do, that is. Until then, I'm just bored.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Photo Caption Results

Well, the Photo Caption Contest was a complete success. We got a lot of great captions from all you Villains and Heroes out there.

Visit the Burnt Toast Diner

So, get on over to the cafe, order up some waffles and check out the winners.