Still on the Outs with Sandra

"Noah, I don't want to talk to you anymore!" she yelled through the phone.

"But we've been over this," I continued to plead with her, "I thought you were a man, baby."

She would have none of it. I don't understand. Plenty of men get to rough up their domestic partners from time to time. They don't get kicked out. No. A real wife realizes it's just his emotionally-stunted way of saying "I love you".

But Sandra Bennet--or Sandra Rosenhopper, as I'm afraid she's reverted back to using her maiden name--is being unreasonable.

"So, I got a little rough," I explained. "You used to like that."


"I've had enough, Noah."

I didn't know what to say.

She continued, "You just can't lie to your wife for 15 years, erase her memory, sit on her precious prize-winning Pomeranian, think she's a man, attack her and forget your anniversary because of the new Star Trek premiere. We're through."

"But, you're the love of my life, the special sauce in my Big Mac. I can't do this without you. I need you. You're everything a mysterious man in horn-rimmed glasses could want. You are my hero."

I waited for a response. Nothing. I then realized she had hung up. My words were wasted.

I guess this means I'm dating again....a fate worse than death.