So my new job with Dunder-Mifflin didn't last long. The first day at work, things started poorly.
"Yo!" some crazy guy called out to me, he looked a lot like Ed Helms. I immediately took offense at his attempt to be hip and pushed him into a coat hanger.
Then, things got a little weird between me and the secretary. She was always staring at me! Come to think of it, most of my colleagues were staring at me. Don't these people have better things to do than stare at each other???
All in all, it was a horrible job. Being on the run from the company was no paper picnic. I had planned to stick it out anyway for the love of my family and paper. We needed the cash, and Scranton was a good place to hide. But for some odd reason, the branch I was working at is part of a TV documentary. So, I had to leave. They were about to start their new season and I didn't want any over-zealous paper enthusiasts recognizing me.
Luckily, I found a new job at Copy Kingdom, which is where I'm writing from now. The job is totally unrewarding. I rarely get to kill anyone, and the last guy I bagged and tagged demanded a refund (which came out of my paycheck). But I'm hidden, and that's what counts. Plus I get a lot of free time. The manager is an idiot, and I laid the law down. He knows now not to interrupt when I'm reading my daily Dilbert.
Too prove how much of an idiot my new boss is, check out his reaction to this Mutts comic:
This is used without permission from the original author to show you how stupid Mutts comics really are.
It's a disgrace that this comic is put on the same page as Dilbert! Such disregard for genius is to be expected in California though, which I regret to say is my new home state. I miss Texas so very much!
And now look how my idiot boss responded to the Mutts comic:
Laughing???? He's LAUGHING! What's wrong with this man?
I really hope I can find some normal people around these parts. Where are the intellectual assassins for hire? Where are the emotionally-distant control freaks? Where's FoxNews? California is definitely a big change for me. But I'll manage. I'm nothing if not wily.