Continued from part one.
"Don't move or the airhead gets it, man!"
My Claire Bear was in danger. This crazy liberal environut was threatening her life right in front of me.
"Now, do exactly as I say, Mr..." the environut leaned in to read my name tag, "...Butler. How appropriate? Your name is Butler, man, and you have to do what I say, man." He burst out in laughter.
Mike, Jennifer and Chuck, the former Copy Kingdom employees that turned coat and joined Environut, all stared blankly at the man.
"See, man, it's funny cause a butler is a servant, man. And I tell him what to do, man. So he's like a butler, man, my butler, man, and his name is Butler. Get it, man?"
"Not really," Jennifer said. She came over and stood beside me.
"It's kind of lame," Mike said, following Jennifer.
"Cheese is fun," Chuck said, coming over to our side.
The formerly former Copy Kingdom employees were back on my side. It was a good thing too. I could hear our manager crying from the back room.
"You all are fools, man!" the environut said, "You're all pawns of the Man, man. Don't let him control you, man! Only you can prevent deforestation!"
Jennifer said, "Yay, trees!" and went back to the environut.
Mike asked what deforestation was. I answered and he said, "Right on, dude!" and gave me a high five as he left to join Environut.
"Ghost hotdogs live in my pancreas," Chuck said, changing sides.
I was once again outnumbered. But I had a secret weapon. "Claire," I said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to let the man paper slice your throat. Before you die, though, can I see you do some crazy cheerleading stuff, for old time's sake?"
"But, like, Dad, yesterday you were all "Don't cheerlead no more Claire. We're Butlers now and we have no physical agility," and stuff like that."
"Trust me, Claire." I winked at her and nodded to the environut.
"Oh, I like totally get it now!" she said. Her foot shot into the air and kicked Jennifer in the face. Then, she shot her arms out sharply punching Mike and Chuck in their noses."
"My nose says owie!" Chuck said and fell to the floor.
Then, with a quick jerk of his wrist, the environut gave Claire a huge paper cut across her jugular.
"NooOOOoocooOOoO!!!" I hollered. Claire fell to the floor.
"Should have saved the trees, man," said Environut.
"That's what you think. All that was a distraction so I could break out the origami!" I hurled a sharpened paper airplane at the man, impaling him in the chest. He grasped at the wound as he fell to his knees. Claire stood up, perfectly healed.
"Go home, Claire," I said, "I'll take care of this."
Jennifer and Mike apologized for their treachery. Chuck said something about radical wheat monkeys, which I took as an apology.
"Let's go tell the boss," I said. The four of us headed to the back room. Chuck got lost on the way.
Jennifer, Mike and I entered the back room. "Boss?" I called out. Mike walked around the table when he suddenly flipped and fell. I looked down to see he had stepped in a yellowish puddle. Kneeling, I put my finger in the puddle, then tasted. "Urine," I said, "Likely from a nine year old girl with asthma." Then I noticed the pee owner trembling in the fetal position under the table.
"Come on out, boss," I said to him, "The situation has been taken care of."
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Continued from part one.