Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Dreams for a New Life

Seeing as I've been granted a second life (and I don't mean that Sims ripoff kind of second life for the socially-impaired), I think I should set a new agenda for myself. Of course, my first priority is the same one from my old agenda: Protect Claire.

But what else can I aspire to?

I once had a dream that I would become an ice cream salesman. Ice cream is so fun and tasty. Not a thing like paper. So what happened?

I was three years into ice cream school when I discovered I was really good at shooting people. It all started during my final exam in Advanced Toppings.

"You may begin," the teacher instructed.

I started scribbling away, making it through the test with lightening speed. Then I came to a roadblock: "Which of the following best complements caramel fudge brownie?"

It occurred to me that the section of my textbook on caramel fudge brownie had been missing. I had noticed torn pages, but didn't expect their content to be crucial. Unfortunately, the following twenty questions were all over caramel fudge brownie!

I panicked. It was perhaps the worst moment of my life. It was then I realized I would fail the exam, and flunk out of ice cream school.

My sugar-filled dream of life in the ice cream business was over.

Having no other choice, I enlisted in the National Guard and enrolled in community college, majoring in business management. I learned a lot, but it wasn't my passion. In actuality, I told myself that with a business degree, I could start my own ice cream business. That plan never came to fruition.

I was called in to serve two weeks in the Guard. It was boring. My missions were nothing but household chores for the barracks. My skills as a trained killer and business man were going to waste.

It was during my short tour of duty that I decided to research into my Advanced Topping textbook's previous owner. I found him: A Mr. J. Perry Watson.

I visited his home, but there was no answer at the door. Then I heard an all-too-familiar melody approaching. A large white van with an ice cream cone on the side was coming down the street with a parade of children chasing after it. It came to a halt, and I bullied myself to the front of the line.

"J. Perry Watson?" I asked the cheerful driver/clerk.

"Yes. What would you like?"

"Revenge," was my cold reply.

"One scoop or two?"

I shot him. Children screamed. Ice cream cones hit the ground.

"You killed the ice cream man!" one child yelled.

"Ice cream man," I glared at the kid, "easy to become an ice cream man when you have the pages on caramel fudge brownies, isn't it?"

I thought maybe my new life could start fresh with a career in the ice cream business. Unfortunately, I'm back with the company. I don't really have a choice in the matter, but if I work my way back up to the top, maybe I can convince them to give the tasty foods business a try.

So, I'm back to my old life. Lots of mystery. Lots of intrigue. But best of all, I get to shoot people. I even got to shoot someone my first day! Sorry, can't say who it was.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You just couldn't resist it, could you? The opportunity to shoot people must be too much for you to resist, I guess.

Claire B said...

Ooooh! I'd like one of the batman sherbert thingies!

Anonymous said...

Evil HRG is back!!!! Be patient, soon you will rule the galaxy, sorry, the Company!!!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me, but did you kill Nathan?