Friday, September 26, 2008

No More Gnome

My new partner, the Travelocity Roaming Gnome, was not working out. We went out on a training exercise. The plan was to bag and tag a couple of local criminals, jewel thieves, nothing fancy.

I had them cornered. "Alright, do your job," I said to The Gnome.

"Most certainly," he replied.

Hours later I was waiting at my house for him to return. It should have only taken 20 minutes to hand them over to Primatech. I was starting to worry for the well being of my gnome when he finally arrived.

"What took so long?" I demanded.

The Gnome replied, "Their flight was canceled, but no worries! I notified Travelocity and had a new flight reserved within minutes. It was a later flight, so I waited with them just to make certain everything went well."

"Their flight?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "on the way to the paper company, they mentioned how they had never been to Paris. I managed to arrange a lovely trip for them. Honeymoon suite, body chocolate, the whole package!"

"You were supposed to detain them at Primatech, not send them to Paris!" I was frustrated it. This wasn't the first time the little guy screwed up. It was clear he wasn't going to make it in this line of work. I decided to let him down easy. "Sorry, but you're just not cut out for the paper business," I said. "You're actually rather useless."

"I say! That is quite offensive."

"Offensive, but true."

"Well, then. I shall be on my way," he reached for his luggage.

"Not so fast. I can't exactly let you leave."

"Can't let me leave?"

"No. But we have accommodations prepared for you."

"Accommodations?"

"Level 5."

"Level 5?" He began to sob. "Will I at least have complimentary peanuts?"

I shook my head.

The Gnome cried out, "NooOoOocoOoOOO!"

And so now the little guy is locked away safely with The Company. It was unfortunate because I was counting on his travel discounts while tracking down these villains. Looks like I'll need to dip into my IRA now.

But I'm sure he's fine. He's a strong-willed little gnome. I bet he's handling solitary confinement incredibly well.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

Elle is so much better than an ordinary gnome.
I wish I could be your sidekick, but, you know... The German needs one too.