Interrogation of Me

"Time to tell us what we want to know," Thompson said.

"Never!" I yelled. I was amazed at my dramatic abilities.

"You will."

"I won't!"

"You will."

"I won't!"

"You won't."

"You will!"

"No, you will."

"Yes, I won't!"

"So, tell me, Bennet," he started, "Why did you start selling paper?"

"I wanted to protect the fragile tea cup people!"

"I see. And who was your first customer?"

"Freddie Mercury. He needed paper for his band, and well, we had him on file as having potential for being evolved."

"Go on."

"Well, I met with him and we discussed the contract. Then later that day, I kidnapped him. But the isotope gun we used on him wasn't clean and he contracted AIDS as a result. I felt terrible! Worse than when Mrs. Agnew flunked me in math for not showing my work."

"Did you enjoy your childhood?"

"No! It was horrible. All the kids would make fun of me."

"You felt angry."

"Yes! I wanted to smash their little tea cup heads. But I couldn't. I didn't have muscles or anything like that. So, I couldn't do anything about it."

"It's okay, Bennet. You can tell me all about it."

"Well, I started exercising. I worked really hard to get in shape. And now I look great. I'm the cool guy now."

"And what's your goal now that you're finally cool?"

"Well, if you don't kill me, I'd like to maybe start my own business. Selling paper probably."

"You realize, of course, that I can't allow that to happen."

"Maybe I could sell pencils?"

"Not if my friend takes a look under your hood." He glanced over at Candace.

"I thought she was a lesbian."

"No, that's not what I meant."

He left. But Candace stuck around. I hope she doesn't look under my hood. Or under my bed. Ted is still hiding.