Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Artistic Fright

I don't like heroin addicts, never have. They paint too much. Other than being superfluous, art is highly unnecessary.

Before his death, Isaac "I'm High, Dawg" Mendez, painted several so-called masterpieces. The problem with his art is its unrealistic style. I mean, if I wanted to see comic-life drawings, I'd read the funny pages. But the other problem is the paintings are prophetic.

If Oedipus has taught us anything it is to be careful with the relationship between you and your mother. That's why I didn't get too close to mine; in fact it took me years to discover she had died. Oedipus also teaches us that you can't stop prophecy. I know. I've tried. Homecoming taught me a vicious lesson in prophecy and in pointless teenage culture. Fortunately the prophecy was misread.

This new painting can't be misread. Horn-rimmed glasses aren't like cheerleader outfits. This look of mine is one in a million. I'm not just any blonde bimbo, like my little Claire Bear and Jackie. Unfortunately my good looks prove that this prophecy is my death, or at least the loss of my left eye, which happens to be my favorite. (Stupid right eye!)

This is a prophecy I have to stop! But my extensive knowledge of mythology and literature make it obvious what will happen. My efforts to stop the prophecy will lead into its realization.

My first thought when I saw this painting was, "Oh, no! That's the shirt I'm wearing right now!" I wanted to rip it off and burn it, but I realized that by doing so, I would be trying to stop the prophecy, and it would come true. The minute I would have clenched the fabric to start tearing it off of me, I'd be shot. So I kept my shirt on.

Mohinder, however, was less calm.

"This recent artistic revelation has me feeling rather uneasy, a tad bit precarious."

"This changes nothing," I said.

"You have on more than one occasion implied that my own safety, my very well-being, perhaps even my life, was proportionately linked to your own perpetual animation."

"You'll be fine, Doctor." I tried to calm him. "We stick with the plan."

"I fear your approaching demise has itself limited my own existence."

"Well, yeah...there is that."

"In circumstances such as these, when my liveliness is in jeopardy, being threatened by the turmoil of social evolution, one can only incur an instinctual necessitation to protect Mohinder."

"It's prophecy, Suresh. You're Hindu or something, right? You of all people should know that when Jesus says something's gonna happen, that's how it'll be. You can't stop the Buddha from falling out of the Bodhi Tree."

"It is not the prophecy with which I have this cause for concern. Your death has been a fantasy of mine many times in the past. However, now it would have a rather unpleasant side effect, that being my own death. Something must be done to ensure my safety after your inescapable end."

"Alrighty, Mohinder. I'll get back to you on that." I hung up the phone.


Elizabeth said...

Oh... :o

You're not gonna die, Noah. Not when I'm lurking from the shadows.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I think you can change it. Remember Claire was about to die about a year ago but was saved. What was that saying? "Save the cheerleader, you smell like ass." Something like that.

Mya said...

Don't worry, HRG

Could be some pesky illusion-weilding doppleganger or something...you know those specials. Just have your trusty 9mm ready. Oh wait...You allways do!

Claire B said...

You so can't die. We have too much drama to resolve!

West said...

You're so dead, robo-glasses-man.

Mr. Butler said...

Elizabeth, your lurking frightens me.