I Had a Fish Once

I was watching TV. It's something I do when I'm not busy weaving a web of deceit. A fish came on the screen. The fish swam onto the screen full of excitement. He dashed up and down, doing somersaults and drinking a martini while floating on its back. Needless to say, this was no ordinary fish! Aside from the fact it was animated, I noticed something peculiar about it, something...unnatural.

The fish had a hand shaped fin! Yes, that's right. It's fin had finger-like appendages at the end, even a thumb!

An eerie feeling poured into my soul. This fish is becoming human, I thought. It was like that taxi driver said, "All creatures are inherently destined, preordained by the gods themselves, to venture forth through evolutionary progression in search for the ultimate, and most beneficial, chromosomal tools of survival." I fell asleep after that first sentence. But I remember his words resonating inside my mind as I dreamed of origami swans electing me the King of Paper Land. Mohinder woke me up, "Mr. Bennet. We have at long last arrived at your dwelling. The fee for my transporation service totals to twelve dollars and eleven cents."

I was annoyed to awake realizing my dream to be so distant from the reality I found stepping outside his cab. I handed the professor a ten dollar bill. "Keep the change," I said.

He began talking, no doubt another philosophical rant, as I went inside my home, never thinking about those words we used to put me to sleep...until now.

Mohinder's words were not the only memories reawakened by this deformed cartoon fish. It brought back painful memories of my childhood friend and loyal companion, Douglas the Guppy.

One day, I came home to find Douglas the Guppy missing from his bowl. "Dougie!" I called out. There was no reply. Where could he have gone?

I checked the garage, thinking maybe he took the car out for a spin. But the Nissan was there, untouched. I looked all over my room for him, thinking he may have gotten lost in the clutter. But there was no fish to be found anywhere!

So, it became time to raise the alert level. I headed to the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. I pulled out the milk carton and quickly filed a missing persons report on its backside:


Even to this day, I don't know what has become of poor Douglas. Perhaps one day I'll be reunited with him. Perhaps he now has opposable thumbs. Let's just hope he's not forced into doing animated TV ads to get by.