Dateless Claire Bear

Well, good news! My future death looks to be prevented. So I won't be needing my coffin:



That's a good thing. Death would end a very important part of my life, and it seems costly. I don't die though; I'm Mr. Benn..uh..Butler. Cunning. Ingenious. Handsome. Paperific! Death would have to be a finely-tuned killing machine to take me down...like a ninja or something. A Mexican ninja. Now, that would be a challenge.



But I could take him! I once killed an invisible man, ya know...well, so the story goes.

So, I'm not at all worried about this so-called prophecy. I may not have a super power, but I'm a Hero, like those mythological kinds...like Oedipus or something...and Heroes don't die. They can't die.

My fool-proof anti-prophecy life-plan is to hyphenate like a radical wheat monkey and not let Claire date. I've succeeded in both! Why can't Claire date? I'm sure you pervs are crushed, and quite frankly you're the main reason. (Yes, you!) But the not main reason, and probably more main in actuality, is that the killer was kissing her in the painting:



Now, I've long been against public displays of affection. The only thing worse than seeing a couple making out is being shot in the eye by them. Luckily, if Claire has no boyfriend, then this mysterious Claire-kisser can't harm me or my glasses. I'm safe!