The Fate of Douglas the Guppy

Well, my last post I told you about the fish I once had and my efforts to find him after he was lost. I suppose I should finish up that tale.

You see, posting his picture on the back of a milk carton was a good start. I knew that would get the word out, and someone would respond if they had seen them. I mean, people in my household were always drinking milk. The late Mama Bennet was a big fan of cats, and growing up, I had quite a few. Cats need a steady flow of milk.

Speaking of pets, I have to say that they are all overrated. My mom had cats, and look how she turned out. Dead! And my wife has a dog and she's slightly retarded. Then there's Lyle. Since he has no super power like my Claire Bear does, he's pretty much a pet. And he's worthlesser than Muggles!

But perhaps my loathing of pets began with Douglas the Guppy. Though I did not loath him, in fact I adored that guppy, his fate tore my little, innocent heart to pieces. I picked up the milk carton and was about to put it back in the refrigerator when I saw this:


Oh, Douglas! Why did you have to leave me? There isn't a day goes by that I am not reminded of him and his guppy-like ways: swimming around, being underwater, acting all fishy. He was a good fish.

After the loss of Douglas, I filled my life with a new pet. A pet that would never die, for it was already a dead tree. And there was an endless supply of it. Yes, Paper! If you must have a pet, I suggest you go with paper.