Sunday, May 13, 2007

Oh, Mama

I miss my mom. It hasn't been long since I discovered she was murdered by her cats.

She was always such a good mother. A first class mother. A mother that would always say how handsome I was, no matter how fat I got. A mother who wanted me to be more than just a paper salesman.

She was my inspiration. She wanted me to become a lawyer, she'd nag me about it constantly. And because of that nagging, I left home to become a paper salesman. That'll show her, I thought.

But then she wanted me to have kids! She demanded grandchildren, even though she knew she'd never see them because I wouldn't let senile people near 'em. But I couldn't impregnate my woman! Perhaps it was the pressure she put on me. Do I blame her? Mostly. But in the end, it all worked out fine. So, I'm sure her nagging served some purpose.

And now she's gone. Taken from me all too soon! If it wasn't for her smothering, I would have never rebelled against my parents and left to be on my own. It was her annoying habits that drove me to become an adult.

"Gah, Dad!" Claire screamed, "Stop talking about grandma; Peter's exploding!"

"Oh, sorry sweetie."


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Eaten by her cats? That's morbid but not unbelievable. You know when a dog licks your face it's because he likes you, but when a cat does it he's just giving you a taste test.

Anonymous said...

My cat is still taking over Hollywood.

I'm sure I'll find out all about that at dinner tonight. Grandma's so silly!

Please try not to let Peter blow up and ruin New York. It's going to screw up my casting call.