Sunday, February 18, 2007

A Tragic End

Well, it's official. My mom is dead :(

I had suspected it. I haven't received a Christmas present from her in about four years. So, I decided to pay her a visit.

As soon as I knocked on the door, a vile orchestra of tone-deaf cats sounded from inside. Using my special Primatech Paper gun, I shot twice near the knob and kicked the door open.

Suddenly, I was attacked! Rabid Tibetan felines struck at my like lightning, more vicious than any Sylar could ever be.

I fired in every direction until I had no more ammo. Then I started flinging the crazed creatures from my limbs. I managed to catch one in mid-air as he was pouncing toward my face. I held him by the neck and gave him a punch in the whiskers.

Then I kicked one and he flew through a window, shattering it. The other cats were startled by the sound and turned to see what had happened. When they saw the newly-opened window, they took off and lept out. I haven't heard from them since.

I looked around the apartment, wondering where my mom's body was and wondering how these animals could have survived.

In the restroom, I saw that the bathtub was full of water. But the water was disconnected. I turned on the faucet and nothing came out. Then, I looked up. There was a hole in the ceiling where rain must have leaked into the house.

I wanted to clean my wounds, but the water looked filthy and disease-ridden. So, I continued my search.

"Hey Mom," I said to a skeleton sitting in Mom's favorite recliner, "Is that you?"

It didn't respond.

I looked closely at the remains and noticed several scratches on the bones. My mother didn't die peacefully of natural causes. No, she was murdered. By the cats.

Those feline bastards, I thought.

I called Rufus on my cell and told him to get a team out here. They arrived, cleaned up the house and removed my mother's remains. We were going to plan a funeral, but while driving back home, the box she was in fell out of the truck and landed in a ditch. So, we just threw some dirt over it, said a few words and left.

I knew she wouldn't mind. I had more important things to attend to, like finding those cats and making them pay for what they did. I know my mother, she would have preferred revenge to a decent funeral. And she'll have her revenge!


Sylar said...

lol i remember ur mom! u told me about her wen i wuz hank. after all weve been thru mr glasses i hope u get ur revenge!

Professor Xavier said...

I would give you my sympathy but since she died four years ago it would be a bit late.

Kitty said...

I can't believe your mom's cats killed her! I'm so sorry for you!

Anonymous said...

omg. is that true?!