Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Practice Makes Perfect

Mohinder, that intellectual fool, brought me back to life! It was as I had suspected. His conscience got the best of him, as it always does. Unfortunately (but fortunately in this one case), his conscience is dumber than most jars of mayonnaise. It was his conscience that told him to pull the trigger in the first place, and now it conveniently undoes the damage to feel at ease.

But it won't feel at ease for long. As soon as I get my strength up, I'm leaving this place. Mohinder will have to answer for his constant stupidity.

For now, though, I'm trapped. I don't know what to do. There isn't much to do. I occasionally play Counter-Strike: Source. And when Mohinder or Bob come in to check on me, I cuss them out, threaten their family and sing annoying showtunes. If I had the strength to fling my own poo, I just might.

If I'm going to be trapped here at Primatech, I plan on making it an unenjoyable experience for my captors. Soon, though, I'll make my escape. As soon as I learn how to chew through concrete, I'm a free man. And what do free men do best? Kill other free men. I can't wait to get my hands on a gun!

As soon as I do, Bob better look out! His Midas Touch won't save him from death at my non-alchemist hands. These hands of mine are getting even more efficient at killing. You thought I was good with a gun before, just wait. I've put in many hours playing Counter-Strike while I fully recover. Sure, I do a lot of dying on the game, but just like in real life, I respawn.

With every new CS life, I get better. I improve. My aim is quicker; my strategies more cunning. It's the same outside of the virtual first person shooter. This new life of mine is an improvement on the old. I use each new breath to better myself.

Practice is the key. And grapes, maybe it's just an old wives' tale, but they say grapes help the brain to adapt and grow. Ancient Roman emperors ate a lot of grapes, and they got to rule the known world, so there must be something positive coming from them.

"Where's Mohinder? I need more grapes!"

1 comment:

West said...

Where did you learn showtunes? Did your parents not have enough money to send a hax0r like you to computer camp when you were a kid so they sent you to theater camp instead?