Monday, November 12, 2007

Taking Care of Claire - Part 2

Continued from Part 1....

"Oh, my God, Dad. You totally just shot me!" Claire cried as she regained consciousness and the bullet wounds healed. "Now I'm going to have to, like, clean all my sheets."

"I can't believe you shot her!" Sandra said accusingly. "And neither can Mr. Muggles. Why, he's furious. Just look at his wittle beady eyes."

Bark!

"Oh, quit you're fussin'. She's indestructible anyway. Besides, I just shot the door; it wasn't like I was aiming for her."

"Yeah, cause if you were aiming for me, you probably would have, like, hit something else instead!"

That was my boiling point. I had been reasonably calm through all this crazy and dangerous stuff Claire has been doing, like scaring cheerleaders and dating. But now she had gone too far. Putting this family at risk is one thing, a definite no-no in my book, but if there's one thing worse, it's insulting my aim. I started marksmanship training when I was two and half years old. I would have had all my marksmanship badges in the Scouts if the stupid scout leader didn't step in front of my watermelon.

"We are moving, and when we get to our new location, you are grounded!"

"Why, Dad? Why?" She cried. "You are soooooo freakin' mean to me. It's not my fault all these evolved psychos are being all evil and stuff. I just want to be normal."

"You're not normal Claire."

"I am," Lyle said, entering the room. "What's everyone screaming about?"

"How'd you get in here?" I asked him.

"The door's been knocked off its hinges."

"Oh, yeah." I replied. "Well, go away. We're talking about evolved people stuff."

He protested, "But you're not an evolved people!"

"Yeah? Well, I'm involved more than any other non-evolved people are."

"Well, what about mom?"

"She's just following the dog."

Bark!

I continued, "Just go to you room, Lloyd."

"It's Lyle."

"Go to your room, Lyle." I watched him sulk as he left the room. Then, I glanced back to Claire, who already had little earphones lodged into her ears with the music so loud I could hear it. Sandra was dancing. "Turn that crap off!" I yelled.

She didn't respond, so I shot her iPod.

Mr. Muggles ran out of the room, frightened. Claire jumped to her feet and said, "Dad, you didn't just shoot my iPod!"

"Actually, I did. And I was even aiming for it. Guess I'm pretty good with a gun after all."

Claire started screaming at me. I raised my voice louder and yelled at her, laying down the law. She refused to listen and instead only screamed more.

"Quiet!" Sandra hollered. Claire and I looked at her. "I can't believe out of the three of us, it's you two that need some serious therapy." She looked at me hard, "Noah! I don't care if you have to erase his memory afterwards, but you find a family counselor and you and Claire go talk this out like a family!"

"Yes, Sandra," I said.

So, Claire and I stopped fighting and now I'm looking up psychologists instead of moving my family to safety like I should be doing. If this inefficiency gets us all killed, at least I can say, "I told you so!"

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have a crazy family Mr Ben.., Butler! You need some Haitian help, I tell ya.

Professor Xavier said...

Have you ever thought that if those mysterious guys are after Claire, you could just give her to them and then they'd leave you alone.

Problem, problem solves. It's just what I do.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Talking sure should help out with your issues, I bet.

Not that I would know personally, I'm no loon.

Claire B said...

Therapy? That's so for the creepy kids in the back of the classroom. Ugh.

Dj Sarabi said...

Well, ya know, you COULD distract her with a new ipod and have the Haitian modify her memory... Maybe that'll help speed up efficiency. What's better is that since claire is indestructible, she will heal any brain damage that may come with the Haitian's brain modification. YAY.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you can write "I told you so" on your tombstone. But who will read it then? Sylar?

Anonymous said...

Fucking funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

West said...

You know, if you need a counselor I could refer you to the one at my school.

It would make it easier for me to kill you.

logan said...

mr.butler..
here's a solution..
talk it out with Claire..tell her everything..the paintings..its ur secrets that r gonna kill u..
another thing..try and recognize who u r against..
u can b more aggressive in ur attempts to destroy company..like get some 10 marksmen..
walk into the company campus with haetian at ur side and shoot those bastards down..
jst a thot..
waiting for ur next diary moment..