Continued from Part 1....
"Oh, my God, Dad. You totally just shot me!" Claire cried as she regained consciousness and the bullet wounds healed. "Now I'm going to have to, like, clean all my sheets."
"I can't believe you shot her!" Sandra said accusingly. "And neither can Mr. Muggles. Why, he's furious. Just look at his wittle beady eyes."
"Oh, quit you're fussin'. She's indestructible anyway. Besides, I just shot the door; it wasn't like I was aiming for her."
"Yeah, cause if you were aiming for me, you probably would have, like, hit something else instead!"
That was my boiling point. I had been reasonably calm through all this crazy and dangerous stuff Claire has been doing, like scaring cheerleaders and dating. But now she had gone too far. Putting this family at risk is one thing, a definite no-no in my book, but if there's one thing worse, it's insulting my aim. I started marksmanship training when I was two and half years old. I would have had all my marksmanship badges in the Scouts if the stupid scout leader didn't step in front of my watermelon.
"We are moving, and when we get to our new location, you are grounded!"
"Why, Dad? Why?" She cried. "You are soooooo freakin' mean to me. It's not my fault all these evolved psychos are being all evil and stuff. I just want to be normal."
"You're not normal Claire."
"I am," Lyle said, entering the room. "What's everyone screaming about?"
"How'd you get in here?" I asked him.
"The door's been knocked off its hinges."
"Oh, yeah." I replied. "Well, go away. We're talking about evolved people stuff."
He protested, "But you're not an evolved people!"
"Yeah? Well, I'm involved more than any other non-evolved people are."
"Well, what about mom?"
"She's just following the dog."
I continued, "Just go to you room, Lloyd."
"Go to your room, Lyle." I watched him sulk as he left the room. Then, I glanced back to Claire, who already had little earphones lodged into her ears with the music so loud I could hear it. Sandra was dancing. "Turn that crap off!" I yelled.
She didn't respond, so I shot her iPod.
Mr. Muggles ran out of the room, frightened. Claire jumped to her feet and said, "Dad, you didn't just shoot my iPod!"
"Actually, I did. And I was even aiming for it. Guess I'm pretty good with a gun after all."
Claire started screaming at me. I raised my voice louder and yelled at her, laying down the law. She refused to listen and instead only screamed more.
"Quiet!" Sandra hollered. Claire and I looked at her. "I can't believe out of the three of us, it's you two that need some serious therapy." She looked at me hard, "Noah! I don't care if you have to erase his memory afterwards, but you find a family counselor and you and Claire go talk this out like a family!"
"Yes, Sandra," I said.
So, Claire and I stopped fighting and now I'm looking up psychologists instead of moving my family to safety like I should be doing. If this inefficiency gets us all killed, at least I can say, "I told you so!"
Monday, November 12, 2007
Continued from Part 1....