Monday, January 15, 2007


I was chatting in the Hacker Lounge. It's one of my daily habits. Usually, it's refreshing. I verbally harass a few n00bs, give some morons advice on fixing their 'puter and hack some losers that keep asking "sum1 teach me how to hack, plz".

But this particular chat session went awry. This new big shot came to the room. At first I hounded him for not being a regular. But he seemed to quickly gain the respect of the others by repeatedly claiming to have "pwned" me. He also threw in a few "your mama" jokes and called me a "DOS Monkey".

It annoyed me.

It annoyed me more than you could possibly imagine.

I once had to call Dell tech support, and even that wasn't as annoying as this.

Once he had the support of the room, there was nothing I could do. He was deflecting everything I threw at him. I made an insinuation that his Apple was a fruit. I even likened his intellect to the stability of Windows 98.

Nothing worked.

It was getting late. I had to log off and take The Haitian to DQ (That's what I like about Texas). I promised I'd buy him ice cream if he finished all his homework.

In the meantime, I'll come up with the bestest insults ever. I could use your help. It's not just about my personal dignity. Okay, maybe it is, but you should still help out. Just comment the best 1337 insults you can come up with.

Believe you me, I'm not finished with h4x0r_gene86!


WoozleWozzle said...

What your handle in the 'Lounge?

Mine's haxor_rims

Zach said...


Lackadaisical said...

To add to your lists of distinguished burns, you should've pulled out this gem:

You're more obsolete than a Zune and Sega Dreamcast Combined - ooh, diss

Mr. Bean said...

I can see you're merely a hacker emulation. Perhaps you should drink a bit more java, no perhaps you should drink DOS java's. Maybe it would imporve that tiny little thing you like to refer to as your RAM. It looks a little more like a floppy drive to me!

Roger said...


Anonymous said...

chown -R us /base

Anonymous said...

Make me a sandwich
No way man
sudo Make me a me a sandwich

Anonymous said...

Wow dude I can't believe no one caught called Win98 unstable. It was a rock compared to ME.