Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Big Man

I like to think of myself as number one around Primatech Paper Company. But the truth is, even I have to answer to higher-ups. When there's a conflict of interests, things can get pretty uncool real quick.

I got a call from the Chairman today.

CHAIRMAN (V.O.): Listen, Bennet. This Sunday I was watching NBC, the only station worth watching these days, and I saw him.

ME: Saw who, sir?


ME: Go on...

CHAIRMAN: He's clearly one of them! I want you and your friend to take care of him. Do whatever it is you do, but see to it he'll be out of show biz.

ME: Sir, I don't think he is one of them.

CHAIRMAN: Nobody can get that rich, and that hot of a wife, by looking like that, or being that stupid! He has powers. Find out what they are!

And with that he hung up.

Now, I realize that Trump doesn't actually have any powers. It's not the first time the Chairman's made the claim. The Haitian checked him out several times. Unless that hair of his serves as a mental shield, there's nothing more than "You're Fired!" and "It's gonna be huge!" going on inside that man's brain.

I suspect the Chairman is jealous. You see, he used to be richer than Trump. But Trump got his own hit show on NBC (owned by GE, in which the Chairman has stock). The Chairman was furious. Trump's net worth rose above his for the first time in history.

I also believe that the whole Martha Stewart Apprentice was a plot by the Chairman to ruin Trump's TV career and send The Apprentice off the air for good. It nearly worked.

But it's back. And this time bigger, better and with tents.

To be honest, I watched it Sunday too. I enjoyed it. I plan to watch it every week with my wife, Mr. Muggles and Claire Bear. (My son only watchs BET.) So, you can see how I'm torn over this. Mr. Muggles absolutely adores the show. Perhaps it's the pompous lifestyle of Trump. Or maybe he just wants to sniff his hair's butt. Either way, I couldn't bring myself to take that away from Mr. Muggles and my family.

I suppose I could send The Haitian out to give him another exam, just to appease the big man. But I think it's a waste of our time. I've only got one Haitian, and he's needed elsewhere.

Oh, well. What can you do? The Chairman's in charge.