Wednesday, January 17, 2007

My Beef with Suits

Now, I'm talking metaphorical suits here. I happen to love wearing a nice jacket and tie. It portrays a sense of importance, and important I am.

But the suits with whom I have beef are the corporate flunkies. Maybe they have power, maybe they have pseudo-power. But their attitude is uncool.

I ran into Michael Hester in the hall the other day. I like to refer to him as "Mike the Suit" behind his back; yes, witty, I know. The truth is I have several totally awesome monikers for people.

MIKE THE SUIT: "Hey, my man, MB! How's things stackin?"

ME: "Uh, hey Michael. What brings you here?"

MIKE THE SUIT: "Well, you know. Ever since they made me VP of PP and PD..." (That's Paper Production and Paper Distribution for you outside the biz) "...I got the big man breathing down my neck about the monthly quality reports."

Quality reports! They're the most annoying piece of bogusness since the Star Wars Holiday Special. I have yet to interface with a humanoid that appreciates quality reports.

MIKE THE SUIT: "So, MB...if you could just get those to me by Tuesday, that would be great."

Looks like I better score myself a cup of java. It's going to be a long night. I think I'll head down to the Burnt Toast Cafe, or I may go ballistic on the next suit I see.

Don't forget the 1337ness insults. Come up with witty insults, but nerd it up. "You could use your odor as a pop-up blocker" or "If you were any uglier, you'd be a color-loss gif!"

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