Friday, October 10, 2008

Guest Poster: The Haitian - A Grave Mistake

I like to keep my mouth shut.

My therapist says that I'm passive aggressive. He is imaginary. I made him up to cope with my many childhood problems: an abusive father, growing up in poverty, failing to "catch 'em all."

So, I am unable to let my employers know of my discomfort with my recent task. Luckily, Mr. Bennet is out running more personal errands for Mrs. Petrelli, so I can post on his blog about my problem.

"Take Hiro and Ando and dig up Adam," the old woman ordered me. I prefer erasing people's memories. It is a far less unholy act than digging up a grave.

"You will help us too?" the chubby one asked.

"..." I replied. The loud-mouth one had previously attacked me, and so I am enjoying their forced physical labor. And when the time is right, I'll smack him in the back of the head with something!

The two Japanese office workers began shoveling. They whined every step of the way. Typical of people from so-called "civilized" countries. Always so ungrateful. In Haiti, we would consider it lucky to be able to dig. Imagine all of the grubs one might find!

"Hey, you are wasting the grubs!" I said as I noticed them flinging the dirt to the side without care for the nutrient-rich creatures within.

"Um...Mr. Haitian man, we don't need grubs," Ando responded.

Like I said, ungrateful. I simply shook my head and allowed them to continue their wasteful ways.

Soon, they uncovered the coffin. I took the shovels from them as they opened it.

The evil man inside leaped out with the ferocity of a caged baboon and punched Hiro in the face while cursing.

Ando was startled by the rash action.

So, I swung a shovel into the back of his head.

"Ow," he said, then yelled at me in Japanese.

"We're even," I told him.

Now that we unleashed this Adam guy, I can hopefully start working with Mr. Bennet again and bring in some villains. I miss the old bagging and tagging days. If I performed well, Mr. Bennet would buy me ice cream. Mrs. Petrelli doesn't reward me for a job well done, but if I screw up, she disconnects the cable.

I've missed so many episodes of Project Runway, I don't know who to root for.

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