Sunday, October 5, 2008

Is Mohinder There?

Before heading out to capture more villains, I became distracted by the television. It started out with me watching my own performance on The Amazing Mutant Race, but then House came on.

"I'm right," the limping doc said to another character on screen.

"Um, no, you're not," the Black guy replied. "It's probably lupus."

"It's never lupus, and I'm never wrong," House retorted, "except when I'm not right, which is rarely and I'm still right in principle."

This was just too good to pass up. You never see writing like this on TV anymore, so I tuned in for the hour. After Dr. House went through about 20 diagnoses, he finally cured the patient of bloody diarrhea.

Then, I realized that these villains are a lot like bloody diarrhea. They're unnatural, they wreak havoc, they smell really weird, but perhaps they could be cured. And I just happened to know a doctor: Mohinder Suresh.

If he could whip me up a cure for these abilities, then I could use it on the villains and we wouldn't need Level 5 anymore. And the best part is that I could finally kill Sylar.

So, I called Mohinder.

"Hello?" a woman answered in a south of the border accent.

It was obviously the maid, so I said, "Shouldn't you be cleaning?"

She began crying and whined, "I tried everything! I used Holy Water and Dial antibacterial body wash, but it doesn't wash away the stink of sin from my flesh. I should have never acted on my inner desires. Es el diablo!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I explained. "My name's Noah. I used to work for Primatech Paper Company."

"Oh, sorry, I'm not interested," she said calming down, "we don't even have a printer."

Clearly the only way to get through to her would be speaking her language, but I have dignity. "Just put Mohinder on the phone," I said to her.

"He is locked in the bathroom," was her response.

It seems bloody diarrhea beat me to him. "Can you tell him that Noah's on the phone and that it's urgent."

I could hear her relay my message, then I heard Mohinder call back faintly in the background. I couldn't hear it all. "Tell him....indisposed....horrible father's research....or is it destiny....Kentucky Fried Chicken, original a rabid Tibetan feline...."

Finally he finished and the girl repeated his message to me. "He says he is busy."

I asked her to have him call me when he could. Mohinder...busy? Something strange was going on. If only I knew what it was.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

This doctor guy, he talks and talks and talks. Can't understand a word he says.