Water Boring

I came across this artistic rendering in my Primatech files:


Apparently, there's a race of underwater creatures wanting to stab our children with over-sized forks!

Fortunately, I don't let my children go into the water.

"Geez, Dad! I'm totally hot," Claire would always explain to me, "and totally hot girls are supposed to go to the beach, so guys can, like, look at us and stuff. It's, like, feminist power or something."

Of course, I would never allow it. I still remember what happened the last time she went to the beach.


I've never been a fan of water. Sure, I'll drink it, but that's only to show it who's boss. I'm not going to carelessly throw myself into its cruel, wet hands by frolicking around in the ocean and calling it fun.

That's always when danger strikes, when you're having fun. Fun causes people to let their guard down. In my line of work, that's not an option.

Which is why I'm warning you all: Don't have fun!

If there is a race of underwater beings wielding large forks, then that's just what they're waiting for. If you have to go into the ocean, stay alert and watchful. Or at least carry a big spoon to defend yourself.