Monday, October 27, 2008

New Policies - Part 2

Continued from Part One....

Finally, some good news.

Angela in a coma.

And with Bob dead....and Kaito dead....and Thompson dead....and Linderman dead....and Bernie Mac dead....

I'm now in charge of The Company!

The Haitian let out a hearty, "..."

"First order of business," I said, "Let's find Elle. Sure, I don't like her, but she still qualifies for our pension plan, and I want to make sure she earns it!"

The Haitian just nodded.

"Next, let's ban Peter from the premises. I'm really tired of that depressed whiner. The paper business is for real men only."

"Peter left," The Haitian informed me.

"Good. Then, let's move on to Sylar. I want him locked away and put into a coma until we find a way to kill him for good."

"Sylar is already locked up and in an induced coma."

Well, this Company running thing sure was a lot easier than I expected it to be. I think this could be a record profit-earning quarter for us. We just need a few more changes.

I needed to put the word out to my buddy, Shaq. So, I called him up.

"Ya?" he answered the phone.

"It's me, Noah. I need your help. I'm running the paper company right now, and well, quite frankly, we got a lot of fat losers on the staff. I need you down here to whip 'em into shape."

"Sure thing, man. That's what I do, you know, I just do things like that, you know, it's what I do, so Imma gonna do it, man."

He flew down within the hour and began training our sales team.

With our employees getting whipped into shape, it was time for me to whip up morale. The best way is with a mascot.

I call him Bready in Horn-Rimmed Glasses.

Finally, The Company was beginning to look like more than a simple front for a clandestine people-hunting organization. It was starting to look like a real company, one that would have family picnics for its employees (without radioactive tracking isotopes hidden in the food).

I sat happily in the big chair dreaming of our wonderful future. Perhaps I'll consider acquiring Dunder-Mifflin next quarter.


Elizabeth said...

Puh-leeeeaaaase! Can I be in the Company? y/y?

Lyle said...

I can be more mascottie than bread! I'll be the most mascottin' mascot you ever did see!