Crazy Dreamin'

I haven't gotten over my writer's block yet. So far my novel is off to a good start, but I just don't know where to go now. Chapter One is so good, I have to come up with something as good for Chapter Two. It may be impossible to outdo myself!

So, I decided to sleep on it. People always say when you get stuck on something, sleep on it. And I like sleeping. So, I took a nap and hoped to awake knowing where to take my novel.

But instead, I woke up in a cold sweat! I had a strange and somewhat horrific dream. I dreamt that I was a cartoon! And not just any cartoon, but a very poorly drawn one.



I was in a mysterious town that I was very unfamiliar with. But I had my Primatech Gun, so I was safe.

I made my way down the street and entered what I thought was my home. But inside was a family, an interracial family, if you can believe it.



I quickly slammed the door and took off running. I ran and ran and ran. I stopped to pee and ran some more. And I found a cave. Everyone knows that a cave is a good place to hide. And something made me think the interracial couple wanted to kill me. I wasn't sure if they were following me, but I hid in the cave anyway.

And that's when I saw...



"Ted!" I yelled. "How did you get free?"

"Me make good fire. Me roast paper people and have good supper. Now me make big boom!"

"NooOOOocoOOOoO!"

"Me only take one minute," he said and left the cave. I could hear horrific sounds, horrific, liquidy sounds trumpeting through the mountain air. Then, Ted came back in. "Ah, Ted feel much better."

"What's going on, Ted?"

"Me not smart. Me no can say. Me think you should go school. You learn good stuff! Have answers!"

And I was suddenly inside a classroom. A boring genetics professor talked forever about the ramifications of evolution. Or maybe it was a cooking class. To be honest, I don't know what he was talking about.

And then he turned to me. "Is it destiny that brought you here, Mr. Bennet?"



"Um...maybe?" I said.

"Who are we to say what is and what is not the work of destiny? Is it wrong to presume we know better than nature? Or are we merely evolved primates attempting to find substance and meaning in a life devoid of both?"

My brain throbbed in pain. I started to spin around in circles. He kept talking!

"Why is it that a cockroach can survive where humans cannot? Are they to be the superior species on Earth? Or is it our purpose to capture and train these foul insects to do our bidding?"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" I screamed and ran through the nearest door.

"Hey, dawg," the guy in the room said.



"Isaac! Are you stoned?"

"Naw, man," he said to me. "Well, maybe a little. But mostly not. Look at my painting, man."



"Wow, that's nice," I said, faking approval. I guess even Dream Me doesn't get art.

"Dude, we have to totally save the fat man!"

"Who?"

"The man in my painting. Look, he's dead! Save the fat man, save the world, yo!"

"Um..." I said, "I think it's too late. Look at the newspaper."

I miraculously pulled today's newspaper out of Isaac's ear and pointed to an article. Fat Man Torn In Half By Blond Psychopath, it said.

"What does City Hall approving a budget for midgets to replace parking meters have to do with my painting?" He asked.

"Not that article! Below it!"

"Oh, dude! We're too late! I'm hungry, can you get make me a pot pie?"

I found myself suddenly in a large kitchen. I looked around and saw an old man in an apron.



"Hello, Bennet," he said.

"Hi. I need a pot pie, pronto!"

"Patience! A Jedi must be patient. Be in the moment, Bennet. Don't think about the past or pot pies. Think about now!"

"That's good advice, Master," I replied.

"Now, do you see the apron?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"You know."

"No?"

"Kiss the cook."

"Um, no."

"You have to, it is your destiny!"

"NoooOOocoOO! That's impossible!"

"Just a little kiss."

"No!"

"On the cheek?"

"No!"

"Fine, I'll kiss you."

I screamed as he approached me. And at that moment I awoke. What did it all mean???