Thursday, April 12, 2007

Guest Poster: Candace - My Girl

Well, I finally got some time off! I left Ted crying under his cell bed after insulting him and blaming him for his wife's death. And now I'm thinking about a trip to the Burnt Toast Cafe!

I've been a few times and it seems like a cool place. But I'm thinking of calling up a friend of mine and going with her. She's totally awesome!

She and I have been best friends forever! We met as kids when we were both picking on the same nerd in 8th grade. She was teasing him and threw his glasses on the ground at the exact same time I showed up to give him a wedgie! It was so incredible. Like at that instant, I just knew, ya know?



That's her. She's very pretty, and smart too! Okay, that's a lie. She's actually really, really stupid. But with looks like that, who cares?

Her stupidity has been a problem for me at times. I'm not a genius, but like I know a lot of stuff and like knowing things. So it is annoying when she does something dumb. Normally, I love making fun of stupid people, calling them retards and such, but I can't pick on her, she's just too beautiful!

One time, I swear, I nearly killed her! We were at a gas station and I absolutely love Slim Jims! Like you have no idea! I think I enjoy the thought of turning innocent little farmland creatures into a dry meat snack.

"Hey, you want a Slim Jim?" I asked her, very excitedly.

"Uh, what's a Slim Jim?" she asked.

"Oh, my God! Are you kidding me? It's only the best beef jerky ever!"

"Is it meat?"

Gah! I wanted to ring her neck. But I smiled and just played it off.

And then there was this other time when she thought squirrels could fly! I found her dropping them from a roof and they were splattering on the parking lot below. I joined in on the fun, and we were having a great time. But when we ran out of squirrels she said, "I don't get it. None of them flew!"

"Why would they fly?" I asked.

"Duh! Flying squirrels!" she said.

I wanted to see if she could fly! But I resisted and explained to her that not all squirrels are flying squirrels, and even those merely glide. I was disappointed that our wonderful squirrel-boming was all just a retarded accident.

But despite all that, I still love being with her. We do so much together and I tell her everything! Well, almost everything. A girl is entitled to a few secrets.

Oh, but I guess I should mention that she's straight. I'm working on it though. She assumes I am because I pretend to have a huge crush on George Clooney when I'm around her.

I take her to cheerleading practices all the time. I think it's only a matter of time before she gives in. I mean, who can resist those skirts?

At the last practice she seemed to be daydreaming about something. I could only imagine! Surely she's turned, or is at least close.

If all else fails, there's always my secret power!

207 comments:

1 – 200 of 207   Newer›   Newest»
Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Mr. Bennet are you there? Do you have an Internets Email address? Can you email me at joninterglad@hotmail.com?

Anonymous said...

Peach on in show up again disagreeable and cheap nike shoes by nikefreerunairmaxshoes.blogspot.com noted je sais quoi Boots online!
you can move to GHD NZ form ghd-hair-straighteners-nz.blogspot.com confinement products in the at any classification hour!
Ensnare the most beneficent GHD NZ form ghdhairstraighteners-nz.blogspot.com Rating purchase during you!
self-indulgently articulation in our stingy cheap nike free run cheapnikefreerun-shoes.blogspot.com online rely on!
You Can Wiggle Seeing that peanuts moncler jackets in moncler-outlet-sale2012.blogspot.com With The Most expert Qulity!

Anonymous said...

Karen millen exit workshop provides you with outstrip absolute evening dresses. Karen millen outlet dresses www.karen--millenoutlet.com are hotheaded bargain-priced over the breadth in search the [url=http://www.karen--millenoutlet.com/]Karen millen outlet[/url] detailed workmanship. Get on!

Anonymous said...

buy ativan online buying ativan online in canada - quick withdrawal ativan

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod overnight tramadol 50 mg side effects - tramadol hcl sleep

Anonymous said...

buy ativan ativan to sleep - ativan no effect

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol without rx tramadol high heart rate - tramadol 50 mg medication

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol without a script buy tramadol online from usa - tramadol hcl para que sirve

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with paypal tramadol hcl hcl - buy tramadol 6914

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol mexico tramadol 100mg online - tramadol overnight

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol can you buy tramadol usa - tramadol 20mg dogs

Anonymous said...

generic klonopin online 4mg klonopin high - klonopin withdrawal expect

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol no rx buy tramadol online without script - tramadol 50 mg price street

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod next day delivery best place order tramadol - tramadol 10mg

Anonymous said...

tramadol buy buy ultram tramadol - buy tramadol cod delivery

Anonymous said...

clonazepam medication safe buy klonopin online - klonopin muscle relaxant

Anonymous said...

ativan 2mg ativan vs valium dosage - ativan withdrawal tinnitus

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cheap no prescription tramadol 50 mg and paracetamol - tramadol 93 58 oval

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online no prescription ambien + false positive + drug screen - ambien generic 5mg

Anonymous said...

soma online generic soma for sale - klonopin soma drug interaction

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription cod tramadol sr 100 mg side effects - tramadol canine dosage

Anonymous said...

clonazepam no prescription klonopin withdrawal vomiting - klonopin ingredients

Anonymous said...

can you buy tramadol online legally what is tramadol hcl 50 mg used for - tramadol online pharmacy usa

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with mastercard tramadol 100mg online - tramadol overnight

Anonymous said...

buy soma 350mg soma 1 2 ironman results 2012 - soma back pills

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online klonopin side effects hives - 2mg of klonopin and alcohol

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol hcl + kidney - tramadol online next day delivery

Anonymous said...

ativan pharmacy what is lorazepam 1mg tablets for - buy lorazepam cod

Anonymous said...

soma online generic brand of soma - soma medication withdrawal

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol next day tramadol hcl 50 mg 627 - tramadol 50 mg compared to vicodin

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online buying ambien online reviews - ambien your system

Anonymous said...

soma online buy somatropin usa - buy soma medication online

Anonymous said...

generic ambien ambien sleep stages - ambien overdose long term effects

Anonymous said...

buy generic klonopin non generic klonopin - klonopin withdrawal and depression

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol 50mg buy tramadol online tennessee - tramadol hcl 50 mg side effects

Anonymous said...

ambien for sale online what does ambien pill look like - 15mg ambien high

Anonymous said...

buy viagra using paypal order viagra internet - viagra united states

Anonymous said...

buying ambien online buy ambien bulk - order ambien

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online next day delivery buy real viagra online canada - buy viagra online fast delivery

Anonymous said...

buy soma what is soma muscle relaxant - soma japan

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online overnight klonopin 35 - high on klonopin

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cheap is tramadol online real - buy tramadol with cod

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online order tramadol in florida - is it legal to purchase tramadol online

Anonymous said...

ambien online ambien pill side effects - ambien no sleep

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol no prescription soma muscle relaxant side effects - buy soma online yahoo answers

Anonymous said...

generic ambien ambien 10mg zolpidem - ambien zoloft

Anonymous said...

order real viagra online viagra online uk next day delivery - cheap viagra alternative

Anonymous said...

generic ambien ambien generic cost walgreens - is it legal to purchase ambien online

Anonymous said...

buy clonazepam online will klonopin overdose kill you - what is klonopin 0.5mg used for

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online viagra 25 - generic viagra online purchase

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma san diego lights - buy soma online florida

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol order tramadol online mastercard - tramadol 37.5 high

Anonymous said...

buy generic viagra buy viagra ebay - buy viagra online thailand

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online buy viagra online england - can you buy viagra chemist

Anonymous said...

klonopin pills klonopin 0.5 mg side effects - klonopin erowid vault

Anonymous said...

buy generic tramadol no prescription tramadol dosage recommendations - tramadol blood thinner

Anonymous said...

viagra online order viagra cheap - buy strong viagra uk

Anonymous said...

ambien cost drug classification of ambien - order cheap ambien

Anonymous said...

sildenafil citrate cheap viagra in india - purchase viagra from canada

Anonymous said...

cialis online buy real cialis no prescription - cialis in mexico

Anonymous said...

viagra cost buy viagra online cheap no prescription - buy viagra online with no prescription with overnight delivery

Anonymous said...

soma drug buy somatropin europe - soma drug hindu

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online cheap cheap generic viagra online - viagra buy over counter

Anonymous said...

order viagra online without a prescription viagra in the water - buy generic viagra online overnight

Anonymous said...

order viagra generic viagra 70 - order viagra internet

Anonymous said...

where to buy viagra online forum cheap generic viagra online uk - buy viagra online canada no prescription

Anonymous said...

cheap viagra pills viagra online amazon - buy viagra johor

Anonymous said...

cialis online generic cialis germany - cialis online for sale

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online generic viagra+england - viagra triangle

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with paypal citrate 100mg tramadol - tramadol 50 mg vs tylenol #3

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online viagra online wiki - viagra for women suppository

Anonymous said...

cheap sildenafil buy cheap viagra online india - order viagra canada pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy viagra gold viagra online next day delivery - safe to buy generic viagra

Anonymous said...

buy viagra cialis online viagra buy in canada - buy viagra online europe

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol 50 mg high snort - where can i buy tramadol over the counter in the us

Anonymous said...

propecia online buy propecia australia - where to buy propecia and rogaine

Anonymous said...

buy discount tramadol tramadol apap 37.5mg high - 100mg of tramadol safe

Anonymous said...

propecia no prescription cheap generic propecia online - propecia side effects lawsuits

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol ultram tramadol overnight saturday delivery - buy tramadol online safely

Anonymous said...

propecia finasteride propecia 1mg cost - generic propecia 1 mg

Anonymous said...

tramadol online generic medicine tramadol - tramadol hcl 100 mg

Anonymous said...

cialis sale generic cialis made in india - buy cialis online fast delivery

Anonymous said...

buy propecia propecia x finasterida - propecia side effects over exaggerated

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol rx tramadol withdrawal after 3 weeks - tramadol 50 mg time release

Anonymous said...

where to buy retin-a online retin a micro blog - retin a micro under eyes

Anonymous said...

sildenafil citrate tablets buy viagra online south africa - viagra 2 chainz lyrics

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol online in australia - tramadol 37.5

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 50mg for dogs safe for humans - tramadol what is it

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a buy johnson johnson retin - where can i buy retin a cream in usa

Anonymous said...

tramadol online get through tramadol withdrawal - ultram tramadol 100mg

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol ingredients medication - order tramadol online reviews

Anonymous said...

cheap finasteride difference propecia generic propecia - can you order propecia online

Anonymous said...

retin a gel retin-a long term side effects - retin a micro gel strengths

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a retin a cream buy in usa - retin a micro vs generic

Anonymous said...

tramadol online ultram side effects in dogs - cheap tramadol pay us

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg tramadol (ultram) prescribing information - tramadol 50 mg premature ejaculation

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription buy tramadol 50mg net - cheap tramadol with no prescription

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a buy retin a in usa - retin a reverse wrinkles

Anonymous said...

tramadol 100 tramadol hcl 100 mg iran chemie pharma - buy tramadol online with american express

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol order tramadol online us pharmacy - tramadol dosage large dogs

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a retin a micro burn - buying retin a online safe

Anonymous said...

tramadol 100 tramadol 100mg dogs - tramadol 300 er

Anonymous said...

retin a buy online retin a cream neutrogena - retin a cream tube size

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg generic tramadol ingredients - tramadol 325 mg

Anonymous said...

buy propecia online how much does propecia cost on the nhs - buy generic propecia uk

Anonymous said...

generic viagra online does viagra work for performance anxiety - purchase viagra placebo

Anonymous said...

buy generic viagra buy viagra tokyo - viagra online discreet

Anonymous said...

generic viagra buy viagra online canadian pharmacy - reliable generic viagra online

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg buy tramadol online new zealand - tramadol kidney disease

Anonymous said...

viagra online viagra for women hindi - where can i buy viagra online safely

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg tramadol withdrawal while pregnant - tramadol 37.5 high

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cheap cialis generic no prescription - buy cialis arizona

Anonymous said...

cialis online usa online pharmacy viagra cialis - buy cialis with online prescription

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription tramadol hcl er 300 - tramadol for dogs

Anonymous said...

generic viagra is buying viagra online illegal - is mail order viagra safe

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription best way order viagra online - viagra long does take work

Anonymous said...

purchase viagra cheap viagra us sale - buy viagra online no rx

Anonymous said...

generic cialis no prescription order cialis from india - cheap generic cialis uk

Anonymous said...

cheap cialis online buy cialis online reviews - cialis price in canada

Anonymous said...

buy generic cialis online no prescription cialis daily packaging - cialis price walmart pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online buy cialis online europe - order cialis no prescription online

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription german viagra for women - buy cheap viagra online with prescription

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription viagra buy japan - buy viagra on line

Anonymous said...

buy viagra no prescription viagra online us no prescription - generic viagra when available

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cheap generic cialis canada - cheap cialis one a day

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cialis daily kaufen - buy cialis online overnight shipping

Anonymous said...

cialis without prescription cialis daily dose generic - cialis daily blog

Anonymous said...

generic cialis сиалис состав - cheap cialis super active

Anonymous said...

cheap cialis online buy cialis online nz - cialis daily use 10mg

Anonymous said...

tadalafil tablets order cialis overnight delivery - cialis daily no prescription

Anonymous said...

buy cialis get real cialis online - cheap generic viagra cialis

Anonymous said...

cialis cost cialis daily use coupon - cialis online mastercard

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol online in usa - buy ultram tramadol online

Anonymous said...

buy soma online generic for soma muscle relaxer - aura soma buy

Anonymous said...

buy soma online hub soma 901 mission - soma 8667

Anonymous said...

purchase viagra generic viagra quick delivery - who sells generic viagra to us

Anonymous said...

somas online buy soma in usa - soma 350 mg withdrawal

Anonymous said...

buy cialis buy cialis 5 mg usa - cialis risks

Anonymous said...

buy cheap soma vampire weekend soma san diego tickets - soma muscle relaxant drug testing

Anonymous said...

viagra online where can i buy viagra in taipei - viagra online new york

Anonymous said...

buy viagra viagra order review - buy viagra in tijuana

Anonymous said...

discount soma soma san diego chiodos - generic soma 446

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma holdings - online somali language translator

Anonymous said...

soma muscle relaxant soma 350 mg controlled substance - soma drug test benzo

Anonymous said...

soma online pharmacy buy real soma online - buy soma online no prescription needed

Anonymous said...

soma drug stores carry soma bras - methadone soma drug interactions

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma junebug bar - soma drug pregnancy

Anonymous said...

soma online soma backless bras - much soma pills

Anonymous said...

buy soma online aura soma costa rica - soma 350 mg get high

Anonymous said...

soma for sale watch argento soma online free - soma 150 pills

Anonymous said...

buy soma online buy cheap soma no prescription - soma pills info

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma bras and panties - soma order book

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma bars - soma drug in brave new world

Anonymous said...

soma online soma discount coupon - rows at soma for sale omaha

Anonymous said...

generic soma buy soma online in texas - soma drug schedule

Anonymous said...

soma sale cheap soma parking - legal buy soma online

Anonymous said...

buy cheap soma soma medication generic - buy soma online $0.45 each

Anonymous said...

order tramadol buy tramadol online without rx - tramadol dosage get high

Anonymous said...

buy retin a retin a micro used - skin retin a wrinkles

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol 100mg online tramadol hcl tablets 50 mg - generic tramadol online

Anonymous said...

tramadol online overnight buy tramadol health solutions network - do people buy tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis jakarta - cialis daily 36 hour

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol hcl hydrocodone - tramadol dosage 150 mg

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol in florida buy tramadol online yahoo - order tramadol no prescription cheap

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 50 mg tablets - order tramadol online 100mg

Anonymous said...

where to buy retin-a online buy retin a micro gel online - retin a side effects acne

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol overnight delivery tramadol dosage acetaminophen - best dosage tramadol

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol tramadol 50 high - tramadol 50mg vs 100mg

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol next day ninth street pharmacy online tramadol - tramadol 50mg for dogs and humans

Anonymous said...

generic cialis online order cialis over internet - order cialis online australia

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol dosage of tramadol for dogs - tramadol hcl 50mg buy

Anonymous said...

order tramadol online tramadol for dogs price - tramadol hcl non-narcotic

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol is it legal to get tramadol online - tramadol dea schedule

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol injection - tramadol 50 mg dose

Anonymous said...

buy retin a retin-a micro for molluscum contagiosum - where can i buy retin a cream in australia

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol buy tramadol united states - tramadol 377 dosage

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 93 58 pill - legal purchase tramadol online

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with cod tramadol hcl 50 mg tab - tramadol purchase online no prescription

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg tramadol 50mg seizures - next day tramadol usa

Anonymous said...

buy discount tramadol get tramadol online - buy tramadol online visa

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription buy tramadol online new zealand - tramadol online 99

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod overnight tramadol withdrawal while pregnant - need to purchase tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with cod tramadol dosage liquid - tramadol same high as vicodin

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg tramadol and addiction - buy tramadol usa next day delivery

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription cod tramadol online tennessee - order tramadol online overnight delivery

Anonymous said...

buy generic tramadol no prescription buy tramadol online echeck - tramadol hcl ld50

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax overdose dogs - generic xanax xr

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol 50mg hcl tablets - tramadol dosage veterinary medicine

Anonymous said...

legal buy tramadol online tramadol withdrawal symptoms usa - buy tramadol 50 mg online

Anonymous said...

generic xanax xanax effects body - new xanax pills

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol without prescriptions buy tramadol online cheap no prescription - tramadol withdrawal leg cramps

Anonymous said...

tramadol online what dosage of tramadol should i take - tramadol quinine

Anonymous said...

tramadol online taking 2 50mg tramadol - tramadol 50 mg kaps ratiopharm

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online buy cialis get free viagra - buy cialis with paypal

Anonymous said...

can you buy cialis online can i buy cialis over the counter in usa - cialis 36

Anonymous said...

generic tadalafil cialis online is it legal - cialis online genuine

Anonymous said...

cialis online cialis reviews comments - cialis price thailand

Anonymous said...

xanax online medication given xanax overdose - generic 3mg xanax

Anonymous said...

generic xanax online xanax versus generic - generic xanax green

Anonymous said...

cialis online order cialis online - cialis это

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 207   Newer› Newest»