Saturday, February 17, 2007

Cooking with Chef Bennet

I've been wanting to write some of my most secretest recipes down for a while now. Mainly so that they are passed down to future generations. My mother, who I think may have died a few years ago, taught me most of what I know when it comes to cooking.

And lately, I've been cooking more often at home too. I feel like I'm a natural born cook, so I don't mind. But since I'm usually busy making paper, going on paper-related trips and sticking transmitters inside special paper, I don't have the time to cook.

I wake up in the mornings and whip up some good breakfast for the fam. After that, though, it's Sandra's turn. She's supposed to prepare lunch and supper. But she's been doing terrible cooking lately. The kids are afraid to eat her food.

As am I.

Sometimes there's bleach, or even glass, in the food she makes. She seems to think that the jug of Clorox is milk. And glass looks like salt, I suppose. So, Claire's been the designated taste-tester.

Now, you may say, "Mr. B, that's terrible parenting!" But you'd be forgetting that she can't die from bleach-poisoning or swallowing shards of glass. My Claire Bear is indestructible.

But unlike my wife, I choose to make gourmet meals.

One of my favorite desserts happens to be monkey brains. Now, I know you're thinking "Wait! Sylar eats brains!!" But calm down. Monkey brains are a delicacy. There's nothing murderous or inhumane about it. Except the slaughtering of monkeys.

I had an argument with a good friend of mine over this matter. I cooked up some delicious monkey brains and he went all PETA on me. "Monkeys have feelings!" he'd yell.

Now, I want to take a moment to say that I'm not anti-monkey. Some of the best people I know are monkeys: King Kong, his brother Donkey, Mojo Jojo, Peter Tork, Yoda.

And the other day, I was talking to Mohinder Suresh, or rather, he was talking to me. It's hard to get a word in with that guy. And amidst all his mindless blabber, I heard "radical wheat monkey". I'm not sure what the heck that is, or why he said it, but it sounded delicious.

So, here's my recipe for Radical Wheat Monkey Brains by Chef Bennet:

One Monkey Brain
1 Tsp. Radical Cinnamon
1 Cup Wheat Grain
4 Cups Milk
1 Tsp Salt
1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
2 Cups Sugar
1 Can of Strawberries

First, pour the milk into a pot and heat it to boil. Once it begins to boil, add the vanilla, salt, wheat grain and cinnamon. Stir for one minute. Then, drop in the Monkey Brain.

While that boils, in a medium size bowl, pour in the sugar. Dump the strawberries into it and stir, stir, stir! I can't emphasize this step's importance enough. You must stir the strawberries and their juices, thoroughly with the sugar.

Remember to stir the boiling Monkey Brain too, so that it doesn't burn. If the milk evaporates, add more, or add water, so that the brain is always submersed with liquid.

Take the strawberry mixture and pour half on the bottom of your serving dish. Then after 20 minutes of boiling, take the brain out. Set it on a cloth so it can dry. Then, place it into the serving dish, and top with the remaining strawberry mixture. You can also sprinkle on more cinnamon and salt, to taste.

Radical Wheat Monkey Brains


Kitty said...

hey, you should see Mr. Brainz blog. He's talkin about cookin up teh brains to!

Anonymous said...


Snakey said...

Where do you even get monkey brains from?

Lol @ the monkey feelings guy. He probably gets a little hot headed while being cooked. I guess after a meal of monkey brains, that monkey's having a gut feeling? Does he feel like sh** after being digested? I got a million of these ...

Having the vessel of your soul turned into poo sounds like a great way to lay the final insult on your defeated rivals.