Still in a Bummer

"Gah!" I said, "Don't you clean this house anymore?"

"Lefty loosey goes the train caboosey!" Sandra replied.

I was disgusted by the site of a cockroach crawling by, yet I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was horrifying to think the state of cleanliness our house must be in. I thought Sandra was on top of all those womanly duties. Apparently, I was wrong.

We were all locked up in the closet. I could hear the three bozos arguing outside. It was clear they didn't have a plan.

"Hey, Claire Bear," I said, "How would a manatee escape from this situation?"

"Shut up, Dad! If that's even your real name. You're a liar! A liar!!"

"So, Lyle, how about those Cowboys?"

"I don't like baseball," he replied. It was just as well. I didn't like baseball either. Scoring a goal was always impossible for me back in high school.

"Hey!" I yelled, "If you let me out, I'll tell you everything."

There was some noises on the other side. I heard the caveman say, "That good deal! Ted likes."

Matt responded something like, "He's trying to trick us. He thinks he can overpower me and take my gun."

Actually, I was thinking I could ask to take a shower and run.

Ted opened the door, "You sit. Glasses answer questions for Ted and Matt."

I walked out to the sofa. "Where's Hana?"

"She leave to fight them," Ted said.

"So what do you guys want to know?"

"Why sky blue?" Ted asked.

Matt smacked him on the head. "We want to know who you work for!"

I tried hard to picture the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in my head. It was another trick I learned from Ghostbusters.

"A giant marshmallow?" Matt asked. "You work for a giant marshmallow?"

"Yes," I said. "Now you know my big secret. Can you let us go?"

"Okay, you go now," Ted said. Another smack by Matt.

"I think you're lying," he said.

"Me want eat marshmallow!" Ted screamed.

"Alright, paper man," Matt started, "What did you do to us?"

I cleared my head. I didn't want him to be able to get any information out of me. Hopefully they'd leave once they realize they're being a bunch of wackos. They'll never find out about the anal probing.

"Anal probing!?!?" Matt was stunned.

"That taste good?" Ted asked.

Eventually, they put me back in the closet. They said they needed to discuss what to do with us some more. I guess they'll let us out when they finish anal probing themselves with their own heads.