Guest Poster: The Haitian's Kitties

Hello friends of Mr. Bennet. It is I, the Haitian. You may call me Adam Soo Hoo, or if you prefer, Mystery Man. My employer is busy for the day, but I got ahold of his diary, so as to record my experience on the task he has assigned me.

But first, I shall get into my history with the man in glasses. He has been my employer from as long as I can remember, which of course is not too long ago. I have accidentally "touched" myself many, many times. Luckily, I only forget things when I touch my head, so when doing "other things," my memory is safe. But it took me a long, long time to figure out that I could not touch my head, since every time I did and lost my memory, I forgot how this occurred! But when my employer found me, he helped me. He told me what had been happening, and gave me a pair of oven mitts which I know keep in my back pocket to use whenever I have an itch on my nose.

My employer has assigned me to many different tasks. Some of them have bee quite ruthless. But I do them each and every time, because I know that if I don't, he will not take me out for ice cream afterwards. And THAT is a bad thing. I think I remember my Little League team in Haiti going out for ice cream after games. But that must be my imagination since I cannot remember things, and there is no ice cream in Haiti.

But this task is especially foul. My employer has ordered me to kill the ravage beasts who killed his mother. Terrible kittens with a taste for human blood. I was afraid. Not as afraid as I would be walking up a flight of stairs, but still pretty frightened.

I was on the hunt again, just as I had done in Haiti. Except instead of using a spear, I had my trusty Primatech Paper gun. And instead of tracking packs of lions, it was the deadly game of kittens. I wish I was back in Haiti, where it was safe. I found their paw prints outside of the home of Mrs. Bennet. I followed them around the back of the house and...there they were.

I lowered my weapon. These kittens were not bloodthirsty. They were shaking, crying and looking at me with sad eyes. They had lost their mother. They were like a Haitian boy who may have accidentally touched his mother and made her forget that she had a son and kicked him out of the house into the jungle where he had to live with a bear named Baloo for 12 years. Er, I think that's what happened. I can't really remember. I just kind of fill in the memory gaps with Disney movies.

I couldn't bring myself to kill these gentle beasts. Even if they had killed my employer's mother, I could not do it. I reached down and pet each one of them with a smile, and stood back up, gazing at them with love and adoration.

The next thing that happened you would not believe. The kittens, they started to moo! I had forgotten to use my oven mitts. They did not know what they were. I looked at them with a sigh; I had failed them. Well, it was no use sparing them now. I raised my weapon and brought the creatures to justice. I had destroyed their lives anyways, there was no reason to deprive myself of ice cream! Now I must return and report my success to my employer.